Tuesday, December 21, 2010

My Christmas Thoughts

 With the Christmas season upon us, I thought it would be appropriate to project some old-fashioned holiday spirit by straying from the usual rankings and ravings (aka. Me making fun of everybody) and writing a column appropriate for this festive time of year. While it is appropriate for us to be wishful for good things during Christmas, it is also important to be thankful for the good things we have. Thus, I present to you, in true Christmas form, a list of things that I am both thankful for and wishful for. Enjoy!

I am thankful to the Denver Broncos for finally benching Captain Neckbeard (Kyle Orton) for Tim Tebow. At this time, when we are celebrating the coming of the Messiah, it seems ironic that Tebow would ascend to the starters job only 6 short days before Christmas day. Coincidence? You tell me…

I wish that the Cleveland Browns would call one, JUST ONE, pass play that goes downfield more than 6 yards. Colt McCoy has looked good this year, and the Browns have been significantly better when he’s on the field, but it’s difficult to make a definitive judgment when stupid Daboll devises junior high level gameplans.

I am thankful that the Washington Redskins have, once again, been the laughingstock of the NFL. The Mike Shanahan hiring was supposed to bring legitimacy and professionalism to this once proud franchise, but he has spent the majority of the year fighting with fat Albert Haynseworth. Just when you thought it couldn’t get worse…he benches McNabb for Rex Grossman! REX GROSSMAN!!!

I wish that the Dallas Cowboys would stop breaking my heart every year. I called them to win the Super Bowl after their strong finish to last year. They not only didn’t win the Super Bowl, they completely embarrassed themselves, got their coach fired, and then rebounded just enough to ruin their draft pick. Why do the football gods hate me? On the plus side, we have Jon Kitna…..

I am thankful that the Miami Heat have been disappointing thus far. Sure, they just rattled off a 12 game win streak, but their record against the top teams has been lackluster. It really is hard to explain how much I hate Lebron James and Chris Bosh (mostly because he looks like Jar-Jar Binks), so watching them fail to meet expectations has put me in an outstanding holiday mood.

I wish that the Cleveland Cavaliers would not have missed their bus to the stadium for Lebron’s big return…….oh, wait, they actually made it to the game and played? Hmm, must have missed that one.

I am thankful to the NBA for giving us Heat vs. Lakers on Christmas day. Other than Miami vs. Boston and Lebron’s big return, this is the game I have been looking forward to most. There are so few compelling regular season games in the NBA that this game seems to be much bigger than it really is. You know that Kobe and the Lakers can’t be happy about all the press Miami has received, and they will come out gunning for blood. I definitely expect to see Kobe’s “Colorado face” in this game. Also, I’m looking forward to Gasol hanging 50 on Jar-Jar Bosh.

I wish that John Wall would stop getting hurt. I love him like a child and I can’t stand to see him hurt this way! JOHN! COME BACK! JOOOOOOOHN!

I am thankful that the Orlando Magic took a risk and shook up their team. We discussed this trade on the podcast, but, while I think it was a bit of a panic move for Orlando, I applaud their willingness to go out and take a chance. Most teams in the NBA are terrified to make moves for fear of doing something dumb. Orlando concluded they didn’t have a team that could compete with Boston or Miami and the decision to make changes was smart. The execution however….

I wish that Denver would just go ahead and trade Carmelo to the Knicks. Look, I hate when players hold their teams hostage and I think Carmelo is a jerk for what he is doing to them. If he doesn’t want to resign in Denver then I won’t hold that against him, but to come out and publicly state this and give a list of teams you would be willing to go to is ridiculous. On the other hand, good basketball in New York is good for the NBA and it would be tremendously entertaining to see a Carmelo/Amare/Felton trio. Come on Denver and New York! Just work this out! For all of us!

I am thankful to Blake Griffin for the many YouTube clips he has given me via his incredible dunks. Sure, he’s probably going to hurt himself, or someone else, but you can’t help but admire the tenacity with which he plays. He reminds me of a young Shawn Kemp. I can only hope he doesn’t father dozens of illegitimate children before gaining an extra 300 pounds.

P.S. I worked hard to keep this column positive. Can you tell? No! Oh well, maybe next year.


  1. How could you forget to mention Rex Ryan shutting his face on your wish list!!

  2. Haha, love the fact that I know you almost had a breakdown talking about the Cowboys. Remember the team didn't get Wade fired, the Jason Garrett conspiracy did. Agree with Casey though seeing Rex Ryan eat lots of crow rather than what other greasy abominations he normally puts in his mouth makes me happy. I like to call him Rex "the hut" Ryan, makes me happy and puts me in the Christmas Spirit. Quick update from Jacksonville Florida, the Jaguars lost to the Colts and ripped the local faithfuls' hearts outs again, of course when I say that, most people in Jacksonville actually went to their local sports bar so they could watch the Denver Tim Tebow's play, and didn't find out about the Jags loss till later. We will get this podcast going next week I promise!!!!!!!!

  3. I kinda like when fat rex ryan shoots his mouth off. Its usually really stupid and entertaining. Btw I really wish there was a way the jets could hire charlie weis as o coordinator and that mark mangino guy as qb coach or something.

  4. I don't know can the teams catering bill be counted against the salary cap? That could really hurt the Jets in the long run....although that would be a really good thing for me.

  5. When I read something about catering, the first thing I thought was, "what does randy moss have to do with this?"

  6. Truthfully Randy has everything to do with anything, but no in this instant I was not talking about the genius that is Bill B. and the greatest move of the year!!!