Friday, August 19, 2011

Casey's Most Annoying in Sports

THIS should definitely warrant the NCAA Death Penalty!
Back in July, I came up with a list of the people in sports who annoy me the most. The winner, of course, was the unapproachable (an unlistenable...if that's a word) Colin Cowherd. Shortly after, Casey submitted his own Top 25 Most Annoying in Sports. With all the NFL stuff going on, I haven't had a chance to run it, but today is finally that day! Courtesy of our good friend Casey Richey, here is another run-down of extremely annoying people in sports.

Written by: Casey Richey. Casey is a regular contributor to Boris Diaw Time! and is a frequent guest on the Boris Diaw Time! podcast. As a 49ers fan, Casey is about to go through a 17 week rough patch in his life, so please show him some support.

25. Jeff Van Gundy

The first time I ever saw this guy, I thought that Ted from Scrubs had somehow made his way down to the floor. I know absolutely nothing about the NBA, but in my head I like to imagine that this guy knows approximately as much about basketball as Ted does about law.

24. Mike Babcock

… or as I like to call him, The Green Goblin. Just Google it. Plain creepy.

23. Ryan Spilborghs

I have no logical reason to hate this guy. It’s just that every time his name is announced, I imagine Steven Spielberg trying to swing a bat. Then he walks up and it looks like Jason Lee is trying to swing a bat. Then I have flashbacks of Indiana Jones 4 and Alvin and the Chipmunks and I just lose it.

22. A.J. Smith

Okay, so let me get this straight. You have some weird personal thing against Marty Schottenheimer, so you decide to fire him after going 14-2 and losing in a very tight playoff game to one of the greatest teams of all-time. If that isn’t logical enough, you then hire Norv Turner for several years of abysmal underachieving and blatant season-ending coaching blunders (and you continue to extend his contract!). I hate having to watch Norv let a crappy team advance further than they should in the playoffs every year, and I have only you to blame for it.

21. 2nd Base Umpires

The rules have not changed guys. You still have to touch the base while possessing the ball in order to get a force-out at second base! There is no ‘close enough’ rule!

20. Joe Buck

This guy has been on air for far too long. His voice annoying, his comments are often irrelevant or off-the-mark, and worst of all he is a multiple-sports announcer – something I can’t stand. Look, FOX, if I have to listen to someone for over 3 hours during a game I’ve been looking forward to, I’d at least like if that person was an expert of the particular sport. Don’t just grab the first guy who’s already on your payroll and willing to do it.

19. Female Tennis Players

If you’ve ever watched a Victoria Azarenka or Maria Sharapova match, you know exactly what I mean. They supposedly clocked Azarenka at over 100 decibels earlier this year.

18. Braves Fans

Every time a Native American group comes in with a new lawsuit against the Braves claiming that the mascot is insulting, I always root for them in hopes that one day soon that stupid chant will be gone forever. STOP THE CHOP!

17. Tiger Woods

Look, way before the whole scandal, I always avidly rooted against him (much to Jon’s dismay!). Every time he hits a bad shot, he gets this pouty face and looks like he’s about to cry like a little girl. I’ve had enough of you, Tiger!

16. Anderson Varejao

When I heard Prince’s podcast, I wondered who this character was and how he could be so high up on Prince’s list. So I Googled “Anderson Berijo” and somehow Google interpreted correctly, and the result was that clown from Cleveland that I remembered from the Finals several years ago! I only watched one or two of those games, and obviously forgot his name immediately, but the hideous fro and utter lack of coordination was etched in my mind forever.

15. Coco Crisp


14. Andy Reid

Long after Reid has vacated the NFL (having eaten himself to death), he will live forever in my memory with a challenge flag in hand and a confused look on his face.

13. Byung-Hyun Kim

WHY CAN’T YOU THROW LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, KIM?!? ‘Submariners’ annoy me (probably more than they should), and you are the epitome of the technique. Fortunately, you’re not in my top 10 because I am a Yankees fan. Unfortunately, you’re still pretty high on my list because Bob Brenly was smart enough not to keep putting you out there after yielding 48 runs in 3 innings in games 4 and 5 of the World Series!

12. Bruce Pearl

It probably shouldn’t annoy me that much, but the color that his face turns during games just scares me. As Jon has pointed out many times before, his face ends up matching his goofy clown suit by the end of the game.

11. NASCAR Fans

For the last time, it’s not a sport, guys. Just give it a rest already!!!! Also, that milk tradition has to be the stupidest thing I’ve seen since the Merton Hanks paralysis dance.

10. Hideo Nomo

JUST THROW THE FREAKING BALL ALREADY, HIDEO!!! As a Giants fan, I had to suffer through many 7-hour day games at Dodger Stadium because it took Hideo 27 minutes to deliver each pitch. Seriously, how did this guy not walk 20 runners every game?! Such terrible form.

9. Soccer Players

As an actual fan of the sport of soccer, I think this one annoys me far more than it annoys Jon. The pathetic pansy act may very well be the primary thing keeping the sport from advancing in America, where we watch quarterbacks play 3 quarters on a broken tibia (no offense, Jay Cutler).

8. Sammy Sosa

“I did it for the fans!” Sammy, I don’t care why you did it – you’re a lousy baseball player with or without a corked bat, and we all would have been better off not to have suffered through your impressive 2,306 career strikeouts.

7. Brett Favre

As with Tiger, I was adamantly against him long before the embarrassing scandal. He had some of the worst sportsmanship in the history of the game, and if that wasn’t enough, he couldn’t end his career without holding all sport media hostage for the last 12 years. He isn’t higher on my list simply because I’ve been tuning out the last 7 years of it.

6. Skip Bayless

I think I first saw him on ESPN’s 1st and 10. I had never heard of the show, and as I listened to him, I literally thought it must be some show where they pull random audience members and ask their opinions about hot sports topics. Then I learned he was a regular part of the show. Then I learned they were paying him. Wow.

5. David Ortiz…

This guy represents everything that I hate about baseball – the DH position, the overweight power-hitter resulting from the existence of the DH position, the Red Sox, terrible beards, one-dimensional lefties… shall I continue? Oh, also, I hate his cheesy smile. Did I mention he’s on the Red Sox?

4. Dick Vitale

Perhaps the single reason I can’t get more interested in college basketball, no matter how hard I try.

3. “Who Dat Nation”

Dear New Orleans,
You are dumb. This is really the slogan you want to go with? Really helping that reputation, don’t you think? Also, this just in: football cannot heal a city! I hate to break it to you, but natural disasters actually affect people’s lives forever. It was more likely the resulting large-scale exodus to better parts of the United States, not a bunch of millionaires playing a game once a week, that ‘healed’ your city.

2. Don Cherry

Since I am too cheap to pay for cable, I was forced to stream the NHL playoffs from my laptop last postseason to watch my precious Sharks break my heart for the 100th time. Unfortunately, we were matched with the Canucks, a Canadian team, in the conference finals, and the only free stream I could get was the “Hockey Night in Canada” telecast. Enter Don Cherry, whom I had never heard of before. This guy was all sorts of Canadian, and as if that wasn’t enough, he had to have been plastered every night. During the period breaks, he provided some of the most incoherent ramblings I had ever heard, and you could tell by just looking at his partner in the booth. It was hands-down the most pathetic excuse for professional broadcasting that I’ve ever seen.

1. Rex Ryan

Arrogance? Check. Delusion? Check. Morbid obesity (that is, just prior to the annual liposuction)? Check! Every time I see that Rex has held a new ridiculous press conference, my blood literally boils – even before I see the video! While I can’t deny he has a great head for football on the field, I think his coaching style is bad for the game, and I think in the long term his lack of discipline will erode his team and it will be very ugly. I can’t wait.

Honorable Mention (Nos. 26-50, no particular order):

Stephen A. Smith
Craig Counsell
Mike Piazza
Ozzie Guillen
Chris Bosh
Michael Crabtree
Shaquille O'Neal
Alex Rodriguez
Jim Rome
Joakim Noah
Mike Krzyzewski
Colin Cowherd
Eric Mangini
Al Davis
Dan Marino
Derek Fisher
Lovie Smith
J.D. Drew
Shane Victorino
Mark Sanchez
Charles Barkley
Nick Saban
Devon Setoguchi
Jimmy Johnson
Bart Scott

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